Surrogate mothers serve a beautiful role in society: they help provide a loving and giving family with a child they may not be able to conceive on their own. However, most birth mothers go through a wild tumult of emotions which can be difficult to handle. Following this process will help lower the acuteness of the emotional pain associated with having a surrogate child.
1. Prepare Emotions During Pregnancy
The adoption process begins the moment you decide to give up your child and emotional preparation begins almost immediately. Start by committing yourself fully to the care of the baby while it is in utero.
Quit any bad habits, such as smoking or drinking, and create a well-balanced diet that will provide the nutrients your baby needs to survive. Now, improve your mental health by joining a surrogate mother support group.
These groups will put you in an caring, empathetic environment that will fully understand and support your decision. If necessary, start attending psychological counseling to deal with any growing negative emotions surrounding the adoption process.
2. Selecting a Deserving Family
Finding the perfect family for your surrogate child can often feel impossible. After all, you don't want to give your child up to parents who end up being cruel and undeserving of your child.
If you have no surrogate family in mind before conceiving your child, talk to an adoption agency. These agencies put prospective parents through a taxing selection process which includes:
- Home studies on the conditions of the home and the behavior of the prospective parents
- Lengthy discussions of adoption process to ensure prospective parents are fully committed to the process
- Meeting and conversing with you to build a supportive relationship for your child
Knowing your child's adoptive parents not only creates a positive environment for your child, but ensures your child is placed with a family you trust and respect.
3. Planning Visits with Your Child
After you've selected a family and conceived the child, you should decide how much contact you want to have with your surrogate child. This will vary depending on your emotional style. Some mothers want to cut off all contact with their child: others want to see them nearly daily.
Decide how much you want to see your child after their adoption and create a method of communication that works for you and their new parents. Most adoptive parents are open to exchanged letters or pictures while others will set up regular visits.
4. Dealing with Birth Mother Grief
Selecting a family and setting up communication will be a cakewalk compared to the hardest part of being a surrogate mother: giving birth and giving away your child. No matter how emotionally prepared you are for the process, it can still hit you like a sledgehammer.
Most surrogate mothers go through a roller coaster of emotions, which include:
These feelings are completely normal and the best way to move past them is to experience them and move on to the final step in the process: acceptance and rebuilding. Once you've accepted the loss of your child, you can rebuild your emotions and move forward in your life.
Although working through these emotions can be traumatic and devastating, remember that you are doing a wonderful thing for a family that truly deserves the gift of a child. To learn more, contact a company like A Child's Dream with any questions you have.